Permanent Care Outcome

I heard back from the social worker today, and in terms of foster care options, we are currently not eligible for Permanent Care or temporary Foster Care, as we need to let 12 months pass after finishing the Clomid before we apply, and because our future plans are so up-in-the-air. In all likelihood we will let even more time pass since only a year and half or two years will show us what the future has in store for MB's career. They did offer us the option of doing respite care one weekend a month, but I don't think we can. MB's schedule varies so widely that I don't think we can commit to it.

In many ways I feel at peace about the agency's decision - I know that for a child whose past includes indescribable pain, abuse or neglect an international move may not be helpful, and I understand the need to grieve over infertility before moving on to other options. 

But in other ways I am angry, furious even. I'm angry that it's not enough that we would take this child and love it, support it and care for it through all eternity. I'm annoyed that the agency wasn't consistent in it's messages - not being sure if Clomid counted as a fertility 'investigation', and being so re-assuring that an international move may not mean the end of our application. In fact, if both those issues had been handled differently, as they obviously should have been, we wouldn't have moved beyond the initial phone inquiry, we wouldn't have been put through a very probing interview, and our hopes wouldn't have been raised unnecessarily when we have had 18 months of dashed hopes render us both fragile.

So where to from here? Well, we'll probably look into local adoption next, being a bit more cautious about raising our hopes, and a bit warier of the welfare system.

Thank you so much to the many, many friends who messaged me on Facebook, called and prayed with us through this last awful week. It was amazing having so many people support us, and was probably the highlight of the week.