It's one and half months until we have our IVF consult and far from being excited or expectant I'm really just ambivalent and skeptical. I have to say honestly - I don't think it will work. Why so cynical?
When we started TTC and after 6 months nothing was happening we went to the doctors...
"Your Endometriosis was all removed in 2003, your blood tests have come back fine, so you're just like any other normal couple. Give it time"....
Didn't happen.
When we started Clomid 6 months after that...
"You've got excellent chances on this. It will bring your chances back up to the 20% chance that
people normally have each month of falling pregnant. Six times twenty is one hundred and twenty so it's possible you'll be back here in 6 months asking me for an ultrasound!" ...
Didn't happen.
When I went back with terrible Endo pain...
"Try IVF. You're both young, we can't find any reasons medically why you can't fall pregnant: you're excellent candidates for IVF."
Ummmm. Does anyone else see a pattern here?
Speaking of patterns -
I've been reading It's OK to Cry by Malcolm & Nick Cameron and she lists all the women in the Bible who were barren, like me, and whose lives and wombs were touched by God.... Sarah, Rebecca, the mother of Samson, Hannah, Elizabeth, the Shunammite woman, and probably Ruth too (she was childless after being married to her first husband for approx 10 years).
Again and again - "the LORD did for Sarah", "the LORD answered his prayer", "The angel of the LORD appeared to her and said, "You are sterile and childless, but you are going to conceive and have a son", "Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her"...
It's God who can do this - not me, not MB, not the doctors. Only God can bless us in this way and only God is responsible for us not having children - a good reminder when it's so easy to blame myself or to put my trust in doctors, drugs and treatments. I need to rely on the LORD.
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