Big Decisions, Big Choices

MB sang the tenor solo in Messiah again this Easter. He did it fantastically, even better than last year! And his lovely teacher came to listen to him. She's amazing - so kind and supportive, and he's made such good progress under her. We had a good chat and interval and she thinks he's in a with a good chance to get into post-grad studies in the UK next year (including a scholarship, which we'd need to go!). I was hoping MB would start earning money next year, but it looks like further study could be of real benefit, both in making more progress, and making connections. A baby would make moving countries, and continuing study difficult. So we're thinking of not going ahead with IVF, and stopping TTC for 2 years. A big decision, and one that seems to have happened overnight, but in reality I think has been coming on for months, for me anyway.

The last 2 years have honestly been the hardest of my life. Emotionally, spiritually and even physically. I had thought that stopping TTC would be devastating. It's not. It's a wonderful relief. The pressure is gone, the stress is gone and the sadness is gone. Yes, I'd still like to have children, but I'm not constantly sad that it's not happening NOW. We gave it our best shot, we gave it 2 years, and if God had wanted us to conceive in that time, it would have happened. Now we'll hopefully have 3 years of adventure, of travel, of new friends, a new country and a rest from the trials of TTC.

Please pray for us as we plan for our future: for wisdom and for us to know whether this is the right choice. I feel such relief that I think it must be, but we want to make sure it's a decision that glorifies God and would please him.